Understanding the Mindsets: “Do-Have-Be” vs. “Be-Do-Have”
The “Do-Have-Be” Mindset
The “Do-Have-Be” mindset is a common approach many of us unconsciously adopt. It operates under the belief that if we Do certain things (like work hard or follow a specific plan), we will Have what we desire (like money, success, or happiness), and then we will Be the person we want to become (happy, fulfilled, content).
Example:
“If I work tirelessly (Do), I will earn a lot of money (Have), and then I will be happy and feel secure (Be).”
The Problem:
This mindset often leads to a never-ending cycle of chasing external validation or material goals without truly feeling fulfilled. It places happiness and contentment in the future, dependent on achieving certain outcomes. If those outcomes are not met, it often results in frustration, burnout, or feeling like a failure. You might end up trapped in the grind, always seeking but never arriving at that elusive state of “being.”
The “Be-Do-Have” Mindset
In contrast, the “Be-Do-Have” mindset flips the script. This approach suggests that we should first Be the person we aspire to be (confident, joyful, fulfilled), then take actions that align with that state of being (Do), and finally, as a natural result of those actions, we will Have what we desire.
Example:
“If I choose to be joyful and fulfilled now (Be), I will take actions that reflect that state (Do), like engaging in meaningful work or nurturing relationships, and as a result, I will have a rich, satisfying life (Have).”
The Benefit:
This mindset shift allows you to live in alignment with your true self and values right now, not some distant point in the future. It encourages you to embody the qualities you seek, leading to more authentic actions and a deeper sense of fulfillment regardless of external circumstances.
How to Shift from “Do-Have-Be” to “Be-Do-Have”
Transitioning from a “Do-Have-Be” mindset to a “Be-Do-Have” mindset involves a few intentional steps:
1. Start with Being: Define Who You Want to Be
Exercise:
Ask yourself, “Who do I need to be to feel fulfilled right now?” Write down three qualities that you want to embody (e.g., confident, joyful, loving).
Example Questions to Reflect On:
- “What would a confident version of me think and do?”
- “How does a joyful person approach their day?”
- “What actions does a loving person take in their relationships?”
This exercise is about tapping into the version of yourself that you want to bring to life today, not someday. Remember, you don’t need external validation or achievements to be these things—you can choose to be them now.
2. Align Your Actions with Your State of Being
Once you’ve identified who you want to be, consider the actions that naturally align with that state. This is where the “Do” comes in.
Example Actions:
- Confident: Take on a new challenge at work or speak up in a meeting.
- Joyful: Set aside time for a hobby that makes you happy or plan a fun outing.
- Loving: Spend quality time with loved ones or express gratitude regularly.
These actions don’t have to be grand; they can be simple, daily practices that reinforce your desired state of being.
3. Trust the Process: Let Go of the Outcome
The “Have” in this mindset is a natural byproduct of “Being” and “Doing.” When you embody who you want to be and take aligned actions, the results (the “Have”) will follow.
Mindset Shift:
Instead of focusing on the outcomes or what you need to “have” to feel a certain way, concentrate on the process and your personal growth. This approach reduces stress and creates a sense of peace because you’re no longer waiting for something external to validate your worth or happiness.
Practical Steps to Implement “Be-Do-Have” in Your Daily Life
- Daily Affirmations: Start your day with affirmations that reflect who you want to be. For example, “I am joyful and fulfilled,” or “I am confident and capable.”
- Mindful Awareness: Throughout your day, notice moments when you’re operating from a “Do-Have-Be” mindset. Gently remind yourself to shift back to “Be-Do-Have.” Ask, “Who am I being right now?”
- Journaling Practice: At the end of each day, reflect in a journal. Ask yourself:
- “Did I embody my desired qualities today?”
- “What actions did I take that aligned with who I want to be?”
- “How did this affect my experience of the day?”
- Visualize Your Ideal Self: Spend a few minutes each day visualizing yourself embodying your desired qualities. See yourself acting with confidence, joy, or love. Feel the emotions associated with those states.
- Celebrate Small Wins: Recognize and celebrate the small steps you take each day that align with your new mindset. This builds momentum and reinforces the positive changes you’re making.
Final Thought: Embracing the Journey Over the Destination
By shifting to a “Be-Do-Have” mindset, you start living in alignment with your true self today, not waiting for some future achievement to bring you happiness. This change isn’t just a tweak; it’s a transformation in how you experience life. You stop being a passive participant waiting for the right conditions and become an active creator of your reality.
Mallory, this journey of shifting mindsets is powerful and transformative. It’s not about getting to a destination; it’s about enjoying the journey of becoming. You’ve already taken the first step by recognizing where you are and where you want to be. Now, let’s focus on being the person you want to be and taking steps from that place. Everything else will naturally follow.
Need further guidance or want to explore this transformation deeper? I’m here to help you make this mindset shift and transform your life. Schedule A Strategy Call today, and let’s work together to unlock your full potential!
